


each passing year

by wyvernknighted



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Angst, Family, Family Member Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:15:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28506564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyvernknighted/pseuds/wyvernknighted
Summary: Another year had passed, and Say’ri cannot tell the difference. She still felt tightly wound like twine strangled upon its wooden spool. Even now, before Yen’fay’s grave, she could not find the peace of mind to relax.Say'ri surpasses her brother in age.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	each passing year

**Author's Note:**

> Say’ri is a really important character to me. I tried to do her justice with this reflective piece for her birthday.
> 
> edit: full disclosure, this is kind of a vent fic (since I've gone through something similar) so if it's a bit too depressing I'm sorry. It was very cathartic to write, at least :>

Another year had passed, and Say’ri cannot tell the difference. She still felt tightly wound like twine strangled upon its wooden spool. Even now, before Yen’fay’s grave, she could not find the peace of mind to relax.

His ashes lay between that of their mother and father. Even in death and after his betrayal, Say'ri still ensured that his remains were laid to rest in the family monument. She too would join them, one day.

“Brother.” She said to the empty clearing. Sometimes her speech was met with a wayward breeze, as if Yen’fay had sighed from her stringent tone. This occasion, however, lacked such imagined character. All she heard in reply was the white noise of dawn. Yen’fay’s sword, Amatsu, lay before her. Before the stone that marked his life, both its memory and its end. She took her time to form the words she longed to say.

“I have now surpassed you in age.” She laughed, though the noise is hollow. She knew that this year would be harder than those before. She felt her age now in her joints, saw it in the thin line of silver that contrasted against hair, as dark brown as her father's had been. She still had plenty of years left, but that revelation made it feel all the more lonely when she faced this morning, once again reminded that her brother was long dead.

“In my youth, I had never imagined that while marking this year, I would do so lacking your presence. Ever since we were children, you were beside me. It’s odd…to think I have now gone years without you in my life.” He had been a shadow stretched behind her for the longest time, a presence eternal in its consistency. When Yen'fay first passed, Say'ri had thought that morning, _This is the first day of my life without him_. Even when they were separated before, even when they were at each other's throats, there was some small comfort in knowing that he was somewhere in the same world as her, sleeping beneath the same sky. She had never envisioned a world in which he was forever gone before that moment. She had to relearn how to live in such a world, one in which Yen'fay would not follow her just a few steps behind. The protective presence at her shoulder, the silent support at her back. And yet she had been the blade plunged through his heart, tying the noose around his neck as a promise of both duty and honor. It had been for revenge and even then, even with the blood of Chon'sin on his hands, it did not quell the overwhelming loss she felt each day following. 

She felt his absence, a ragged hole that yawned and stretched with each gust of wind, each time she remembered, as if for the first time, the finality of his death. Couched in thin, torn fabric, an idle fire burned in her chest. Fire bright as the flames from the battlefield that day, which scorched her hands, left blisters in the worn skin of her palm.

“I am still angry with you.” She said this every year, as if her speech would be lacking without it. She was nothing if not an honest woman, and the truth of Yen’fay’s betrayal still tore into her each time she allowed herself a moment to linger upon it. The deaths of their parents, of their people, all dishonored further by his shift in loyalty and his silent obstinance. “I know you did what you did for reasons you will never have the chance to share. I know to trust you in this, and yet…”

Her hands, now long healed from that day, still ached with the memory of pain. “I cannot accept your decision. Aye, I know you chose your path to protect me. But had you told me! Had you not suffered in silence! Had you trusted me with the truth perhaps you would still live today!”

Her voice rose into the beginnings of a shout, echoing slightly in the empty forest clearing. The grave stone, much like Yen’fay had been in life, was silent.

She took her time, composing herself with a series of steady breaths. The benefit of solitude, at least, was that she did not feel embarrassed at emotional outbursts. She could shout as loudly as she pleased, knowing it was only she and the nearby wildlife who heard.

“It is no matter.” She said, more for herself than any phantom who might overhear. “The past is set, and my present reality is all I might reckon with.” A dragonfly settled on Yen’fay’s grave stone.

“I enter this year with thoughts of you, brother.” Say’ri’s tone mellowed like ripples settling across the surface of a pond. Much like her heart, they were softened by the sorrow she had borne through the years. “Some who have counseled me on the nature of grief have assured me that it grows easier with time. That, however, is not true in my case. Perhaps I will never once again feel the peace that I did in childhood, before the loss of you and many others. But…” The dragonfly shifted, flying up for a moment before resettling upon the stone. Its green colors shone iridescently in the morning light.

“I have made my peace with that.” Say’ri finally said. Her palms tightened in her lap, her tone as steady as her resolve. “Though our fate twisted cruelly…though we never had the chance to make amends…I will always remember you brother. And I will always love you.”

She bowed, feeling the weight of her words settle upon her shoulders. Their truth was her burden to bear.

When it was done, she stood quickly, as there was nothing left to say. With a careful hand, she sheathed Amatsu and turned away. She did not see the dragonfly hop to the side, before taking off once more along the morning breeze.

Say'ri set her gaze before her and stepped forward.

**Author's Note:**

> I was thinking of Japanese burial practices when I wrote this, which often involves a family monument in which the cremated remains of the deceased are buried together. I did my research on Meiji era burial practices so it might be a little more modern than the projected Fire Emblem time period. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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